Sausage Carnival

For Immediate Release

Lobster Race News

Red Hardback Wins Sausage Festival Lobster Race in Spectacular Comeback

Bar Harbor Speedway, July 13, 2002. RRed Hardback was greeted by the checkered flag and a confetti-and-streamer launch from an air cannon as he crossed the finish line in Saturday's first-ever lobster race at the Sausage Festival. The win marked a triumphant comeback for Red Hardback, who only last year fractured his carapace in a fiery Fourth of July crackup.

Hadback Wins!

At one point in the tense race, Rusty Stockpot, Shelly Craw, Red Hardback and Rocky Dweller were racing in a tightly packed formation, with no racer as much as an antenna's length ahead of the others. In contrast, as Red Hardback crossed the finish line, Drew Butter hadn't even moved from his starting position.

In a heartwarming moment that showed the true sportsmanship of these professionals, this reporter found Red Hardback and Drew Butter sharing a beer in a local tavern. "I'm buying today," said Red Hardback, "because I've been down and come back from it, too."

Drew Butter attributed his failure to start the race to engine trouble. "It's just one of those things," he said, "certainly no reflection on my pit crew or my sponsor, Land O' Lakes Butter. By the way, do you know that this tavern serves only Land O'Lakes?"

Whitey Zinfandel relaxed after the race listening to the many talented musicians at the Sausage Festival. "Don't that hammer dulcimer just melt away your troubles?" he asked. "It's sure a fine day."

Shelly Craw Rolls in Time-Trial Crackup

Bar Harbor Speedway, July 3, 2002. Racing Lobster Shelley Craw rolled and hit the barrier in a rare time-trial crackup after being edged out by Rusty Stockpot. After ending up on her back, Shelly was righted by her pit crew and ambled off not too much the worse for wear.

"So much for my new paint job," she quipped to her pit crew, who wiggled their feeding appendages appreciatively at her unusual display of grace under pressure. Her sponsors have vowed to have her all touched up for the big event of the summer racing season, the lobster races at the Sausage Festival on July 13.

"Sorry to see that happen, and glad she's all right," remarked Rusty Stockpot. Rusty is known both for his aggressive style on the track, even in time trials, and his cool professionalism.

Shelly Craw rolls after being nudged by Rusty Stockpot in time trials.
Lobster Roll: Shelly Craw rolls after being nudged by Rusty Stockpot in time trials.

The next day, reporters found Shelly relaxing at home, concentrating on playing the koto. She deferred any questions about racing, holding forth instead on the bittersweet impermanence of beauty and the tragic weight of desire.

Shelly Craw will be racing in position 2, while her rival Rusty Stockpot has earned the coveted pole position.

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